ESL 9J P Paragrpah Revision Exercise 1

University of California, Berkeley ESL 9J

Name: __________________________ John McClain

Paragraph Revision

High Order Concern: Read the paragraph and CIRCLE the topic sentence. If there is none, write NO TS! in the margin.

1. The most efficient way packing a suitcase is by following a few simple procedures. First, gather all the things you will need to take and setting them in one place. That includes clothing, toiletries, electronic devices, and any small items that will fit. Then, fold the clothes as neatly as possible and stack them up into the suitcase. Generally, the bigger, heavier items go in first. Once they are in, fit the smaller items, like socks, underwear, and possibly shoes, around them. Finally, once the space is filled. Close the lid and make sure that it will shut securely.

2. Peter sits down by the table. He picked up a fork and knife beside his plate and begins sawing the large piece of meat that glistened beside a steaming, split-open, baked potato. Lifting the pieces one by one into his mouth, he will chew them thoughtfully. Then, swallowing slowly, he lift a glass of bright red wine to wash down the beef with a sigh of deep delight. 3. With our family Mom goes above and beyond, showing her care for us all. With only two daughters and three grandchildren to take care of, she never spreading thin. On one particular Christmas, Mom not only hasplayed Santa Claus and got everyone what he or sheis wanted, she hand-made a care basket for everyone with our favorite goodies, freshly baked pastries included! With a smile on her face and many hugs to pass around, you couldn’t be help but feel all the love and care she was had to give. 4. Not too long after that, I started getting sick of the coffee tasting different every time I had a cup, due to not being able to get the exact amount of milk or sugar. So, to solve the

problem, I started to drink it black and that’s how I drink it today. I’ve come a long way from my days trying coffee for the caffeine effect. Now, I depend on it, and I have a large cup twice a day. I use it for work and to relax. I also frequent various coffee shops. Yes, coffee and the wonderful caffeine it gives me is a part of who I am.

5. Another big issue for me is the decorating. I love art, photography, ceramics, painting, even spray painting. A lot of my time consuming by some sort of art. Ever since I could

remember, I have always dreamed of my art having on display, even if it’s just hanging from a living room wall, but I seems my art and my parents ideas of decorating don’t really mesh well. So, for now, my room stayed covered in canvases of all sizes. All four walls are in a glow with anything and everything that comes to mind. Also, I have my brother house to decorate until he gets tired of it. 6. In two decades as a psychotherapist, I have observed that couples usually polarize around money. Partners tend to assumption defense styles, or personal,, in relationship to money that are direct opposites to each other. I call it Mellan’s Law: If opposites don’t attract right off the bat, they they will create each other eventually.

Now identify the problems in paragraph 1 by circling the correct answer and/or responding: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Now identify the problems in paragraph 2 by circling the correct answer: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Now identify the problems in paragraph 3 by circling the correct answer: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Now identify the problems in paragraph 4 by circling the correct answer: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Now identify the problems in paragraph 5 by circling the correct answer: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Now identify the problems in paragraph 6 by circling the correct answer: Topic Sentence: Yes No Sentence Structure Problems: Sentence Number(s) ______________ Verb tense/form/usage errors: Sentence Number(s) ______________

Next, explain the higher and lower order concerns you have with the first three paragraphs. Praise what’s good and offer corrections for what will need more work.

1. ________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

3. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ As you may have noticed, sentences 1-3 show only one kind of lower order sentence error, and sentence 4, although its topic sentence comes last, is otherwise well-written. In contrast, sentences 5 and 6 are very messy. In the space below, rewrite them as best you can.

5. _____________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

6. _____________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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