The differences between Chinese family and American family

The differences between Chinese family and American family

Abstract：Family is the basic miniature of the social economic activity, and it is the basic unit that constitutes the society. The values of the society rely on people?s family values in a large degree. However, due to the difference of geographical and historical background, religion and belief, different nations have their own family values.A clear and direct contrast between Chinese and American family values can bridge over their communication gap.The paper first introduced the Definitions of Families．It then，focuses on the difierent types of families in China and America．In the following section，the paper proceeds to elaborate the extension of family to social relationships．The Paper ends by discussing the difierent attitude towards Family members

Keywords：family；values；social relationships；filial piety；age；friendship

The Family is the basic unit of society.It reflects the ethical values of a

society,its cultural characteristies and the unique features of a nation．The family is among the oldest and the most fundamental of all human institutions．This echoes of Galvin and Brommel?s words that we were born into a family,mature in a family,form new families，and leave them at our death．Family life is a universalhuman experience．The family is also an expe rience that helps shape the way in which one sees and interacts with the world（Davis，2001）．Many anthropologists and sociologists (DENC，1988) have said that describing the family in a society is sufficient to show the true quality and characteristies of the nation．

1．Definitions of Family

Traditionally speaking, family should be defined as a group of people

related by blood, marriage or adoption, living together, to form economic ties, to fertilize and to bring up children. According to this idea, families form the continuation through child-rearing. “Family is the basic unit of a society; it is very much like a mirror, reflecting the society?s cultural characteristics, moral beliefs, economic and political relations and other social problems.” Different cultures create different families, which at the same time cause different concepts of families. Consequently, the different concepts of family between China and America are ascribed to different cultural contexts in the two countries. Cultural traditions and family values vary from country to country; therefore, to understand the historical development of Chinese and American families, the basic model, and the relationship among the family members will, undoubtedly, help those who are involved in cross-cultural communication. 2．Functions and types of families

As has been stated above．the family is the most important unit in all

societies.But due to the difierent cultures and traditions in diferent countries，the configurations of the family are also diferent．

In

America,the

dominant

type

of

family

is

the

nuclear

family(mother,father and dependent children)．In addition，there are family types like single-parent family and live-in couples(heterosexual or homosexual，with or without child)．After their children coming of age，their grown children usually move out of their parents? household and start to live on their own．Stewart notes that children at the age of 22 or above usually pay their living expenses if they still live in their parents?house

．

which

shows

their

independence,self-reliance

and

self-responsibility．Middle aged and elderly people generally do not live with their married children．Howeve parents usually keep close contact with their grown children and take great interest in their grandchildren（Steward,1972）．On holidays，members of the larger family group---grandparents，aunts，uncles and cousins often

dine together．

The traditional popular view held that the typical type of family is the

extended family of several generations．As a matter of fact，it was an ideal for most people even in feudal society because of economi c and inter-pe rsonal relationship pressures．So the stem family(consists of two or more generations with one married couple in each generation)was the popular form throughout history．But with the progress of modernization，the number of nuclear families is on the rise．According to statistics．about 30％ of famifies are stem families．This is especially common in fural areas in China（CHU，1993）．

Chinese culture has been defined as a collectivist culture．In traditional

Chinese culture，people attach more important to their families than they do to themselves．The interests and the wishes of the family are usually given priorit y．Chinese children are brought up to seek fulfillment with others rather than individually．One member of the family getting a position in the government would bring honor to the whole famil; whereas，one?s breach of law would bring shame to the whole family．Even today,a lot of Chinese students work very hard for the sake of their fami lies．So we can see that family loyalty is an mportant value inChinese culture．

3．Social relationships：The extension of the family

In a family, the basic relationship is filial piety, marriage and family

education. Any kind of life philosophy, if not pay attention to this fundamental relationship, can not be considered as an appropriate philosophy. American family members pay great attention to the concepts of individual equality, independence, individual right and family relationship, among which the most prominent concepts are independence and equality. Chinese families focus more on seniority relation, family interdependence, filial piety, and the family happiness of having many children and grandchildren. Cultural differences between China and America lead to their differences in family values, as well as other family-related problems. As a result, it is of great significance to analyze different family values in China and America.

In all the Chinese relationships，family relationship is the most important

one．Besides one?s immediate family members，there are a lot of near and distan t rdmions and all the other social relationships be aring resemblance to the fami ly relationship．So we say that these social relationships are the extensions of the family relationship（Galvin,1991）．

Friendship has diferent meanings in Chinese culture and American

culture．In America，it is hard to find two friends who keep in touch for decades of years，because pe ople are extremely mobile．Every year about 40 mi llion Americans change residences．That statistics suggests that everyone moves every five or six years．Even in the same place，American s tend to have diferent circles of friends，for instance，one group of friends for playing basketball，one group for workout and one group for traveling．But all those groups are independent．It is also common for friends to help each other in the States．But generally speaking，friends do not want to shoulder too many responsibilities and obligmions．

Chinese have a diferent attitude towards friendship．Chinese are likely to

keep life-long friends，which are considered to be the ideal friendship．Friends try their best to help their friends in whatever way（HU，1991&1999）．Good friends treat one another like sisters an d brothers．In the past，it was not unusual for friends of roughly the sarfle age to swear oaths of fidelity to each other that brought them into a relationship of sworn brotherhood(or less frequently sworn sisterhood)．In theory,and occasionally in practice，such alliances were honored by families as creating family ties．Friendship was actuahy enhanced in this way． They address each other by using the addressing words tiley use with their real brothers an d sisters．1ike elder bother or elder siste.They also address their friends? parents in the same way as they address their own uncles an daunts．their friends?children are their nephews and nieces．So they sound like a big family．This extends to all the people in the people in the community,even people on the street．They use addressing words like ?'uncle'?，??aunt”，“grandpa\，?'grandma??，etc．according to the addresse ?s age and gender.

A

further

extension

of

the

family

relationship

is

the

relationship-network．Americans also have their relationship-network．But it is a far cry from the Chinese relationship-network in depth and extension．Chinese people consider building relationships is essential to one?s success in life．Because whatever they do，ranging from sending their children to school to establishing businesses，they have you exercise their relationships with their family members，relatives，colleagues，even new acquaintances．Nowadays，westemers understand well the Chinese concept of the relationship-network．Many westemers are committed to building their own personal relationship-network in the Chinese business circle and political arena．

Chinese people tend to be more aware of the connections they have as

members of their social groups, that is, they put a great emphasis on collectivism and are likely to pay much attention to the consequences of their actions on other members of their groups and even the whole group. They think if they do something wrong, it is probable for them to have a harmful influence on other members and the whole group, while if they win an honor, they will possibly attribute it to other members and the whole group as well. American people tend to lay stress on their independence and individualism, and it is now the cornerstone of American values and permeates every aspect of their society. Americans believe that they have control over their destiny; and they are more likely to concern about their own freedom of activism than their relationships with other members of the group. As for American people, individualism displays itself in the following aspects, namely, individual initiative, independence, individual expression and privacy.（Samovar,2000） 4．The attitude towards Family members

Chinese concept of filial piety “Xiao”, the Chinese word for filial piety, is

the most prominent characteristic of traditional Chinese culture. It has been extolled as the highest virtue in China for centuries and must be shown towards both the living and the dead. The term “filial” denotes the respect and obedience that a child should show to his parents, especially to his father. In Chinese history, “filial piety” is the earliest ethical moral that influences our family concepts. It is the theme of Chinese culture and affects all aspects of Chinese people?s lives and Chinese society is built

upon the doctrine of it（Chow,1999）. The definition includes the responsibility of each person to be good to one?s parents; to take care of one?s parents; to engage in good conduct not just towards parents but also outside the home so as to bring a good name to one?s parents and ancestors; to perform the duties of one?s job well so as to obtain the material means to support parents as well as carry out sacrifices to the ancestors; not to be rebellious; to show love, respect and support; to display courtesy; to ensure male heirs, uphold fraternity among brothers; to display sorrow for their sickness and death; and to carry out sacrifices after their death. Secondly, according to the five relationships, the Five Bonds are: Ruler to Ruled, Father to Son, Husband to Wife, Elder Brother to Younger Brother and Friend to Friend. Specific duties are prescribed to each of the participants in these sets of relationships（Chen, 2000）.

American concept of filial piety In America, filial piety is reflected

more in the religious culture than in the behaviors of children to their parents（Larry,2000）. There is little social significance in American “filial piety culture”, while its family significance is only manifested in respecting to the parents, but the respect doesn?t mean obedience to their parents. That?s because what American people emphasize are independence and equality among family members. In the comparative study of Chinese and American cultures, except for “the Bible”, there is almost no literature which describes filial piety systematically, while the situation in China is quite opposite. What American philosophers focus on is not the family pension, but the social pension, because supporting the parents is not the obligation of the children. This has led to the fast development of old-age pension but not the filial piety. It is quite different from China whose pension system is not perfect and rural city citizens have no choice but to depend on their children to support.

“The family is also the first institution to introduce the child to the notion

of age-grading．an important perceptual attribute that greatly influences the way individuals perceive youth as well as old age”．

The dominant American culture prefers youth to old age，because the

skills and knowledge of the elderly often become obsolete in America such a rapidly

changing country．According to Ethel and Tiersky，about 40％ of the nation?s elderly live in poverty or near-poverty．M any struggles along on the meager monthly income they get from the govemment programs to supply free food and necessary services to the elderly．No Americans like to be referred to old（Falbo,1982）．

But in China，older people are highly respected because of their

experience and wisdom（Du,1992）．HU and Grove note that the chief determinant of relative power is seniority．The hierarchy associated with age in Chinese culture is very clear．The Chinese family is hierarchically organized，with the prime institutionalized authority be ing vested in the senior-most male．As is stated above，no two members of a Chinese fami ly are equal in authority．Traditionally at least，senior generations are superior to junior generations；older people are superior to younger one．The respect and admi ration to the elder are clearly manifested in Chinese vocabulary,in which a lot of the words and expressions contained the Chinese character word??lao??(\old??in English)suggest a positive meaning，for example：“lao shi”(“teacher”in English)，“lao lian”(“experienced”in English)． 5．Conclusion

Succinctly,the cultural diferences between Chinese family values and

American family values are reflected in almost all aspects of family life．The present discussion focuses on the major aspects，i．e．the configurations of the family,social relationships and their diferent attitudes to age．A good understanding of the diferences will surely facilitate the cross-cultural communication of the two peoples．

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older parents in China.” Research on Aging, 2000.

Chow, N. “Diminishing filial piety and the changing role and status of the elders in Hong Kong.”

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